Be a man Part 2: Jesus the man
Intro to Part 2
This two-part series aims to discuss what it truly means to be a man. In a world with several different definitions, I’ve come to give just one, in the form of a person—Jesus Christ of Nazareth.
But if I’m going to set a standard as a person and implore you to be like Him, I should first explain why I believe we should model our lives after Him. In Part 1, I lay out a few pieces of evidence that support Jesus not only being a real person, but being exactly who He said He was: the Son of God. And if this is true (which I certainly believe it to be), then He should be the only person we use as a compass. If you haven’t yet read Part 1, read it here before moving on.
Lost Masculinity
Our current culture is undergoing an identity crisis with men. We’ve lost the art of being men due to several factors: lack of purpose, reduced in-person connection, poor diet, sedentary lifestyles, and, most importantly, a weak moral foundation. Not only that, but we can’t even agree on what it means to be a man. How can you be something if you don’t even know what you’re trying to be?
Because at the end of the day, being a man isn’t about testosterone levels, diet, or exercise, although these things certainly help you be more masculine, biologically speaking. Being a man is about how you live your life, how you handle your emotions, and what your priorities are, regardless of your age, how much money you make, how much you can bench, or how thick your beard is. There are fifteen-year-old men, and there are forty-five-year-old boys [1].
And the art of man didn’t get lost overnight; we’ve been slowly losing it for years. C.S. Lewis recognized this decline in true masculinity over 80 years ago. In his book The Abolition of Man, he writes, “We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.” If that were his opinion in 1943, he’d shudder at the culture of today.
But if something can be lost, can’t it also be found? We’ve all been there—digging through the lost and found in the school secretary's office, only to find our jacket at the bottom. However, in the case of finding the True Man, we must dig a bit deeper, specifically 2,000 years into the past.
When it comes to being a man, Jesus points True North. You will know them by their fruit [2], He says, concerning His followers. Let’s take a look at some of the fruit Jesus produced through His actions and through the emotions that He expressed.
How He Lived
1) HArd Work
Let’s start at the beginning of Jesus’ life. He was raised in Nazareth, which at the time was seen as an uneducated, redneck, low-life town in the sticks, where the residents wore wifebeaters and drank Bud Heavy. “What good can come out of Nazareth?" people would ask when they heard about Jesus’ works [3]. His father, Joseph, was a Tekton, the Greek term for a craftsman or builder who worked with wood and stone. Jesus, inheriting His father’s trade, had the same humble beginnings. Is this not the carpenter? [4]
I’ve worked my fair share of manual labor jobs, and they’re humbling. It’s hard to be puffed up when you’re swinging a pickaxe in the blazing heat. Jesus spent his whole life sweating, bleeding, and building calluses from sunrise to sunset, six days a week. This grueling work required discipline, built character, and, in my opinion, laid the foundation for the mindset and work ethic He would need for His ministry.
During the three short years He taught and preached, He brought this Tekton mentality to everything He did. I would argue that His ministry was harder work than His years of carpentry. He was constantly healing, casting out demons, teaching, escaping assassination attempts, and traveling from town to town on foot. Some scholars suggest that Jesus averaged over ten miles of walking whenever He traveled, with heavier days reaching fifteen to twenty miles.
The Gospels are full of examples of Jesus being fatigued by His toils: weary from a journey [5], asleep on a boat after ministering to crowds [6], working so relentlessly that He had no leisure even to eat [7], withdrawing from the crowds to pray in solitude [8], and so on.
Jesus shows us that a real man works hard, regardless of what he’s doing. “Be the hardest worker on the field," my dad would tell me when he dropped me off in his Nissan truck for soccer or lacrosse practice. He didn’t command me to be the best or to score the most goals; he told me to work. I learned to take that mindset into everything I did. I refused to be out-pickaxed, out-barbacked, out-janitored, or outworked in whatever job I was working. But too often, we men let our egos get in the way. We miss the distinction that we don’t need to be the best; we need to be our best. Comparison is the thief of joy, said Teddy Roosevelt. It’s not about what everyone else is doing, or what results they’re getting. Just keep it simple: give your maximum effort toward everything you do, and do it for the glory of God [9].
I was playing college soccer during the time that my health issues started to become severe. I missed a handful of games and several training sessions, but my rule of thumb was if I could find the energy to stand that day, then I’d find a way to play. At the end of the season, my coach gave me the Kopion Award. Kopion is the Greek word for the most intense form of labor, translating into English as working relentlessly and giving yourself fully to the point of utter exhaustion. Jesus was the embodiment of Kopion. And the goal of His effort wasn’t to compete in athletics, build a 7-figure business, win an Oscar or a Nobel Prize, or create a life of comfort. His relentless labor was only for the benefit of others and building the Kingdom. Jesus, the servant, who contained the humility of a lamb and the work ethic of an ant.
2) Service
The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve [10], Jesus says. And He backed it up with how He lived His life: the constant healings, washing His disciples’ nasty, travel-stained feet [11], giving the crowds His continuous time and attention until He was entirely spent, and ultimately, giving His life for the world. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends [12], He says. Because at its core, service is love in action. Let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth [13].
There are times I’ve caught myself serving others only when it was convenient for me. But this wasn’t the case for Jesus. Read the Scriptures, and you’ll see that Jesus was never in a hurry. Most of the time, when He healed or helped someone, He was already on His way to do something else when He got interrupted or stopped. And what was His response? What do you want me to do for you? [14] Not impatience, not irritation at being bothered, not can’t you see I’m busy? But instead, service. Compassion.
Can we live our lives with a what do you want me to do for you attitude? Not in a yes-man type of way, or someone who gets taken advantage of, but as a true servant. Men, especially, can we ditch the mindset that others should be doing our bidding all the time and adopt this attitude more often? Real men serve; they put themselves last [15], and they do it happily, not begrudgingly, because God loves a cheerful giver [16], and that verse isn’t just talking about money.
3) CompassionAte love
The word compassion means to suffer with. Although Jesus walked on water, turned water into wine, delivered incredible sermons, and traveled from town to town, He wasn’t above it all, making a name for Himself and living a life of fame. In reality, He was a man of sorrows [17]. Imagine living among your creation, preaching the Kingdom of Heaven, and then having them reject you to the point that they murder you. That’s heartbreaking. There are few things worse than walking around telling the truth while everyone calls you a liar.
And yet He stayed here and suffered with them. He didn’t smite them in the typical fashion of the gods of that time because they didn’t show Him the hospitality He desired [18]. He healed them, served them, and loved them anyway, all the while entering into their suffering and feeling what they felt. The Gospels said He saw them as sheep without a shepherd [19]. The Good Shepherd’s greatest possession is His flock, and He showed it—For God so loved the world [20].
Our human minds cannot comprehend this level of love. Human default is impatience, anger, retaliation, selfishness, and pride. God’s default is compassion. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways [21], says the LORD when talking about His compassion for us.
We see this level of compassion, love, and grace throughout Jesus’ life. Patient and gentle when His disciples simply weren’t getting it, showing forgiveness while suffering our punishment on the cross (Father, forgive them for they know not what they do [22]), and showing grace toward the woman caught in adultery. While others wanted to stone her, His response was, I do not condemn you. Go and sin no more [23].
Can the men of today be more compassionate? Can we have more empathy, patience, forgiveness, and grace? Can we love the way Jesus loved, and suffer with others, rather than letting our pride and selfishness get in the way?
4) Fire
Jesus was a hard worker, which is a typical manly man attribute. But service, compassion, and love? When I was a young boy, those were the only attributes that teachers of the gospel seemed to focus on. I never let the thought truly enter my mind for fear of getting smitten with lightning, but it always felt kind of…weak. It seemed as if Jesus was just walking around being nice, turning the other cheek, and forgiving everyone, with brief periods of disappointment or snarkiness when He got frustrated. I would argue that these quote-on-quote weak traits are actually true strength, as they’re the hardest things to do, but still, as a young kid trying to figure out what a man is, being shown only this side of Jesus made me feel that either Jesus wasn’t really a man, or there were things inside of me that were fundamentally wrong. Six-year-old me had no business having Luke Skywalker as a hero if fighting bad guys doesn’t align with Jesus’ character.
Men are innately designed with a fiery strength and boldness. We’re supposed to be protectors and providers, not pushovers. Many people in today’s culture will tell you that’s wrong, and that it’s Toxic Masculinity, but that couldn’t be more off-center. We have males who are afraid to chase their natural, healthy instincts because culture tells them it’s toxic. These fiery feelings and attributes are only ever right or wrong depending on the context in which they’re used. It wasn’t until I started truly studying the Bible and the life of Jesus for myself that I realized this.
All I ever seemed to hear about was Jesus the nice guy, Jesus the softie, and Jesus the servant. But no one wanted to talk about the Lion of Judah [24]. The Man who spent an afternoon braiding a whip so He could use it to drive people out of the temple while He flipped over tables [25], the Man who yelled at his friends and called them Satan [26], the Man whose return in Revelation 19 is nothing short of terrifying, describing Him riding a horse, having eyes like fire, a robe dipped in blood, with armies at His back, and a sword coming out of His mouth. Sure, a lot of this is symbolism, but this description portrays Him as nothing other than a Man of war.
Gaining this realization as a young man changed everything for me. I’m allowed to get angry, stand up for myself, and even raise my voice, I thought. I learned that it’s not about whether these things are appropriate; it’s about when they are. Be angry and do not sin [27] is the command.
Those examples of an angry or violent Jesus were all done without sinning. Justified anger, with justified actions, in a justified context. I believe a cultural softness has been growing among men in the Western Church. Men who aren’t bold and firm when they should be, because “Jesus would just be nice.” This is a fallacy, and the scriptures show us that. Yes, Jesus was gentle and lowly in heart [28], and yes, His default was definitely not violence (those who live by the sword, die by the sword [29]), but He was still a bold and fiery warrior.
The Hebrew word for mighty warrior is Gibbor. This word was used to describe Samson, David’s mighty men (The Gibborim), and even lions [30]. Jesus was and is the greatest Gibbor to ever exist. A warrior for the Gospel (I have not come to bring peace, but division [31]), a warrior for His creation, and most importantly, a victorious warrior over sin, Death, and Satan himself [32]. And because this was part of who Jesus is, it’s our inheritance as well. “Christians are a race of dragon-fighters”, says Douglas Wilson, “our sons are born to this. Someone ought to tell them.” Our world needs fiery warriors who are bold at the right times, in the right ways.
But make sure you use this fire appropriately. Drop the alpha-male hardo act—you're not impressing anyone. Yes, be confident and exude internal strength, but don't be an egomaniacal, power-hungry jerk who charges their battery off of controlling a room. Intimidation has never positively impacted souls. You can still maintain a strong presence and gain respect while adopting a posture of humility. A lot of men talk about being lions but know nothing about them. Most of the time, they're docile creatures; they only roar when they need to.
Men, let’s pull ourselves out of the in-between where we’re either too afraid to be strong, or we have too much lion and not enough lamb. Here’s a quick rule of thumb to go by: Be a Lion when it's time to defend the Gospel, morality, truth, women, children, or the weak. Otherwise, be a Lamb.
5) Obedient
Being a warrior for the Kingdom sounds pretty rad, but submitting and being told what to do? That isn’t your typical man’s favorite cup of tea. There’s a sense of power in calling the shots, having complete control, and bending the knee to no one. We’re told that we’re the masters of our fate and the captains of our souls [33], but I’m here to tell you that without God, we’re nothing but guides to our own destruction [34].
Making your own rules and being king of your life certainly removes many obstacles keeping you from fame, fortune, and comfort, but is that really what life is about? If your answer is yes, I implore you to rethink—for what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul [35]?
You’re not as smart and powerful as you think you are, and you certainly can’t save yourself. You may say that through hard work, sleepless nights, and sacrifice, you’ve achieved success or built a comfortable life for yourself and your family. If that is you, then congratulations, seriously; I commend you. But who do you think gave you the health, the intellect, the opportunity, and everything you needed to achieve what you achieved? Every good thing you have comes from the Lord [36], and He can take it all away at any moment He chooses [37].
You and your tiny human brain will never be enough to properly rule your life. You need a King, and His name is Jesus. And when you bend the knee to a king, you naturally become a servant, and servants obey, even when they don’t want to. Jesus, being the most powerful Man to ever exist, could have done whatever He wanted with His life. Yet He chose to be obedient to His Father and His Kingdom assignment—For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me [38].
He lived a perfect life, completed His mission, and even paid taxes to His oppressor [39]. He was obedient even unto death [40]—a punishment which wasn’t even His to bear. And He could’ve gotten out of it, by the way. He said that if He were to request it, over 72,000 angels would come to rescue Him, when just one would be more than enough to do the trick [41].
Jesus shows us that a true man is obedient, even when it’s inconvenient. Does that mean we can’t strive for good things and success? No, this is actually encouraged [42], but it shouldn’t be your priority. Your priority is your Kingdom assignment.
And what is your Kingdom assignment? Well, that’s between you and the Lord. If He calls you to something specific, go without hesitation. But if He hasn’t, then don’t drive yourself crazy trying to find out. “What if we found out that God's big plan for our lives is that we wouldn't spend so much of our time trying to figure out a big plan for our lives?” says Bob Goff. For most of us, our Kingdom assignment is to live a normal life, be fishers of men [43], and to keep the greatest two commandments: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself [44]. Trust me, this takes more obedience than you may think.
Men, be obedient, no matter what it costs you. “If you ask why we should obey God”, says Lewis, “in the last resort, the answer is (because God says) ‘I AM’” [45]. Once we understand who He really is, we realize that not only should we obey, but it’s also in our best interest to do so. Furthermore, Jesus gave us forgiveness of sins and eternal life. The least we can do is obediently submit our lives to Him.
Getting Emotional
We’ve looked at a handful of Jesus’ most prominent character traits: hard worker, servant, compassionate, loving, bold, and obedient. Let’s finish up by going over a few of the emotions He expressed.
When I was growing up, I felt a lot of cultural pressure to bottle up my emotions. I thought that men were supposed to be strong, stoic, and unfazed. “Real men don’t cry", is something I heard more times than I could count. The fact that I heard it mostly from women had an even bigger impact on me. And this wasn’t just me—a lot of guys I talk to shared the same experience. This encouraged me to suppress as many of my emotions as I could, causing issues in my relationships. I wasn’t vulnerable, I wouldn’t voice my needs (real men aren’t needy), and I struggled to express myself for fear of seeming weak or girly.
It took me longer than I care to admit to learn that none of this was true. If you continually repress your emotions, they’re only going to manifest themselves in another area of your life. It’s like holding in a sneeze—if you don’t let it out, you’re going to feel it somewhere else.
Men should have a handle on their emotions, not suppress them entirely. Just like we talked about earlier with the anger—the emotions themselves aren't bad, it’s about how you express them, and when it’s appropriate to do so.
Jesus cried [46], He felt fear [47], He got sad [48], and He got angry. Real angry [49]. These aren't the actions of someone suppressing their emotions, nor are they those of someone emotionally unhinged. They're the actions of someone who knows when, where, and how to let them out.
And if Jesus did these things, then that doesn’t just give us permission to do so as well; it means that we should. We all feel these things at some point or another, so don’t keep them in. Release them properly.
To my fellow men who are under the illusion that crying is weak: beat this lie into the dust and tread on it. I don’t think I truly became a man until I learned how to cry. Besides, crying is actually good for you. It releases feel-good chemicals such as oxytocin and endorphins, it helps shift you into your parasympathetic nervous system (rest, relax), and it lowers your stress hormones. It’s an emotional release that allows you take on more from life. Think of it as letting go of dead weight, so you can carry more.
You can, and should, cry, but you can’t stay there. Avoid wallowing, falling into a pit of despair, and embracing a woe-is-me victim mentality. Instead, cry, pick yourself up, wipe your eyes, and get back to work.
Being emotional in an appropriate way will positively impact your well-being, relationships, and your ability to help others.
Be a man
I always say that the measure of a man is how he acts when things don’t go his way. Jesus’ life was anything but a cake-walk, and He set the perfect example of how a human should live. Men, if you want to be a man—a true, and complete man—read the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John), and look at what He did. Read the Red, and look at what He said. Even if you don’t believe Him to be the Son of God, study His life, and you’ll see that if we were all even half the man He was, the world would be a better place.
This post was mostly geared towards men, but these things apply to women as well. We’re called to have the mind of Christ [50], after all. Let us all aim to work hard, serve, show compassionate love, be bold and obedient, and not be afraid to let our emotions out in a Jesus-kind of way. The things written here are only a handful of examples of who Jesus was and is. I would encourage you to explore the rest for yourself.
Footnotes
[1] The Five Marks of a Man, Brian Tome
[2] Matthew 7:20
[3] John 1:46
[4] Mark 6:3, Mathew 13:55
[5] John 4:6
[6] Matthew 8:24-25
[7] Mark 6:31-32
[8] Luke 5:16, Matthew 14:22-24
[9] 1 Corinthians 10:31, Colossions 3:23
[10] Matthew 10:25, Mark 20:28, Luke 22:27
[11] John 13:4-6
[12] John 15:13
[13] 1 John 3:18
[14] Mark 10:51, Mark 10:36, Matthew 20:21, Matthew 20:32, Luke 18:41
[15] Matthew 20:16, Mark 10:31
[16] 2 Corinthians 9:7
[17] Isaiah 53:3
[18] Ovid, The Myth of Philemon and Baucis, Metamorphosis, Book VIII
[19] Mathew 9:36, Mark 6:34
[20] John 3:16
[21] Isaiah 55:8-9
[22] Luke 23:34
[23] John 8:1-11
[24] Revelation 5:5
[25] Matthew 21:12-17, Mark 11:15-19, Luke 19:45-48, John 2:13-16
[26] Matthew 16:23, Mark 8:33
[27] Ephesians 4:26
[28] Matthew 11:29
[29] Matthew 26:52
[30] Proverbs 30:30
[31] Luke 12:51-52
[32] Colossians 2:15, 1 John 3:8, Hebrews 2:14-15, Genesis 3:15, Revelation 12:10-12
[33] William Ernest Henley, Invictus
[34] St Augustine of Hippo, Confessions, Book IV, Chapter I
[35] Matthew 16:26, Mark 8:36
[36] James 1:17, Job 1:21
[37] Job 1:21
[38] John 6:38
[40] Philippians 2:8
[41] Matthew 26:53
[42] Ecclesiastes 2:24, Joshua 1:8, 1 Kings 2:3, Deuteronomy 28:1-14, Psalm 1:3
[43] Matthew 4:19
[44] Matthew 22:37-39, Mark 12:28-31
[45] Exodus 3:14
[46] John 11:35, Luke 19:41, Hebrews 5:7
[47] Luke 22:42-44, Matthew 26:37-38, Hebrews 5:7, Psalm 55:4-5
[48] Matthew 26:38, Isaiah 53:3, Mark 8:12
[49] John2:15-17, Matthew 21:12-13, Mark 11:15-17, Mark 10:14, Matthew 16:21-23, Mark 8:33, Mark 3:5
[50] 1 Corinthians 2:16, Philippians 2:5-8
